this is exactly what happens right before we climb underneath the stairwell under the desk and look...we look down there even though we do not want to see...the bookworm lady in her backyard dodges crabapples and somehow her purity prevents her from being magnetized to the weapon. if you blink twice as fast you will reduce the blinking fees associated with standing still waiting for a table.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Don't think just do it right now
there is an increasingly wide gap between the destination dreamed of and the ceasing to enjoy the path...the 100 mph barrier broken as i set record time for the 1050 mile drive...wishing i had more time to stop and take a photo. i would have had more time if it weren't for my goal. this is why goal-setting is a major roadblock to our success, unless we make the goal fun. the burdensome goal is one that i always resist except when i am a glutton for moral punishment, and allow myself to experience good-old shame. but those days are more rare. shame has been replaced by anxiety...the emphasis not on past perceived failures and the possible immediate conequence, but rather on some foggy future that may present an actual conflict...a day that inevitably comes when i or we wake up and desperately need to find out how to get back. a world of credit scores and bleeding insides, wool sunglasses that we wear because they are soft and easy, and furthermore encourage our perceived subordinates to wear...how dare he make more money??? and quietly in the background i am humbled by the man working for $6 an hour to dump my trash at the end of the day and he is just starting this job and started his first job before i determined my own waking hour. and despite my efforts to resist and place one foot out the door, i see that i chose my trap and that the trap has a name waiting in the lobby to be assigned - "affluence, your prescription is ready." it is the epic artists vs. businessmen struggle and they both end up right in their own heads unless they feel strongly that certain individuals don't want to be in the business very long and they were initially pretending to simply want to know how to sail. how to sprint, dine, and furthermore, how to chum, we learn so well and especially those of us who long-ago began the weekly trample trap to switch and hopefully not awake the barber or the sister. but careful there, your genes can be axed and we could turn off the television. it wouldn't hurt you to actually converse with us instead of allowing someone to talk to you for a nickel and for you for free. it wouldn't kill me to live without fear and to accept the outstretched palm of Christ and cut out the bullshit and chaos that i often choose over the disturbing quiet of peace. the peace itself grand, but routine peace is boring, at least that is what the devil tells me.
Monday, February 21, 2005
at least we have compatibility if not affordability
We all complain sometimes...whether you are the extremist who thinks logos could somehow go away and that the corporations will be defeated (read: they are smarter than you in some way that you are unwilling to be smarter in, if only for the sake of your soul), or whether you really do want it, soul or no soul, or whether you think that we can all share in an abundance, which is an ideal, and relegated to ideal status because so many of us don't think that humans will ever be able to share because our ancestors didn't. Wow, we have an inborn capacity to murder, but some of us have managed to control it, and some of us have managed to share. Of course, the monopoly isn't always going to be the best product, but it got there somehow and has the infrastructure in place to allow all of us to at least talk to each other. Wait that is not a justification...he was right...that is just paralysis...promoting acceptance of the way it is as the way it always will be. Do we make due, or do, as the high school geometry teacher once asked/told me with a question mark?
Friday, February 18, 2005
Crisp, but soft
That is how certain jackets are, and certain days...well, just the jackets. Ok, so are the days (think listening to guitars and computers and airplanes at the estuary with a good sun). "His teeth are gold!" That is a common response we have to people with gold teeth. Also, we have "why?" I think it is because some people don't trust banks, and it is just a way of ensuring that a meal can be had if the shit hits the fan and precious metals become the street currency. Why not keep your emergency fund wrapped around your teeth? Well, for starters, it is probably more difficult to take out the gold teeth to use as currency than it is for me to grab the William McKinley engraved silver bar from the top of the bookshelf. Plus, if someone knows where my hidden treasure is, they break in and grab it off the shelf. Sure they could shoot me first, but my bodily harm isn't guaranteed the way the gold teeth guy is sure to experience pain. Well, at least if the robber is able to pry the mouth open and somehow make off with about $3000 in gold...wait how much DO gold teeth cost?
Monday, February 14, 2005
Friday, February 11, 2005
Who am I in the face of "I can't" when uttered by others and by myself?
You say "I can't" and my instinct is to call you nothing, but then in a flash I am pissed off, and yelling counterproductive darts into your neck, ears and spine...and you shut down...but then I try on nice and you know it to be false somehow...or perceive it as weak, and indifference becomes your greatest weapon against me. But I shrug off the tools I want to work so bad, and I lay it all bare and ask for what I need, or ask for what I want, and that's it, and for some reason you respond...the world could be my ally if I simply asked...sure there are those capable of betrayal, but most people do not seem to be double agents, so they are either really good at what they do or they really aren't out to ruin me.
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